A new year, a new decade is upon us and you know the drill. Grab a piece of notebook paper, or better yet a brand new journal of blank pages, a few pencils or a favorite pen and jot down all of the things that are wrong with you that need fixing in 2020.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS 2020!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Underlined. O.k. GO! Sounds simple right?
Well, I’m going to share a secret with you all. This year, I’ve decided that I’m not going to make any New Years resolutions. Any lists of what I’m lacking. Why? I’ve discovered that focusing on lists of what I haven’t accomplished, what I am deficient in, blinds me to what is positive about me in the present.
I’m so focused on the negativity in the lists, that I become joyless and miserable.
It’s overwhelming and self-defeating. How am I ever going to accomplish anything on my list this year, if I haven’t accomplished everything on my list last year?
The answer is simple. I’m not. I’m setting myself up for failure on day one of the New Year by acknowledging that I’m a failure on day one of the New Year!
And I’m convinced that lists of what I’m lacking is one messed up way to start a new year, let alone approach life.
I’m mean it’s no stretch of the imagination that most of us can probably recite every single thing that is wrong with us without writing it down. I know I can.
Maybe we are still out of work, or going through a messy divorce, or fumbling through a relationship or we can’t breathe in our size 10 jeans any longer. In fact, some of us are not only fine tuned in the art of making lists as to what is wrong with our own selves, but we can list every single thing wrong with our spouse, our kids, our parents, our jobs, our homes, our community, our churches, our world.
Lists of negative thinking are not in short supply, trust me.
But is this any way to embrace positivity, starting the year off by making lists of all the things that we aren’t doing right, everything we aren’t? Seems to me that is a rather depressing way to accept the gift of another year and at least for me, it’s actually shortchanging what my imperfect self is truly capable of.
I have faced a lot in the past year and come out the other side stronger, better and wiser.
My positive is so much stronger than my negative. I know this with absolute certainty. If only I’d stop making lists that tell me otherwise.
So yesterday, day one of 2020, instead of a litany of negativity, I chose to fill my journal with four reflections on some of the challenges I faced in 2019 by paying less attention to the detail of what went wrong, and instead rejoicing in what went right. I share them here so that you can see the difference in approaching life as a positive reflection:
Anne’s Journal 2020 Day 1
What a blessing it is to be alive another year. A New Year of happiness and joy and love. My heart is full of these things to give, to share, and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for so many things that God and others have provided in my life this past year. New paths, new relationships, a deepening faith and a family whom I treasure. Challenges continue, but so do solutions.
The side effects from surgically induced menopause continue to challenge me. I need to lose more weight and it isn’t easy with my changed metabolism. But I’m down ten pounds from last year and my Fit Bit says I walked 500 miles in 2019. Five hundred miles! That’s no small feat given I had major surgery in April and in September. Hell, that’s no small feat period! I can now hike and swim in the ocean and dance and sing and garden and paint and play the piano with minimal pain and fatigue and best of all the hot flashes that kept me up at night are gone!
Yes, it’s true that I am anxious to get back into the work force outside the home and utilize my skill set with the right employer, and it’s scary and a bit intimidating to be starting over career wise in my mid-50’s. But, I was not complacent in 2019, having begun a side career as a successful blogger, created an on-line following for my photography on a gardening website and completed the final draft of a children’s book with a good friend. I am writing daily and the ideas are over flowing.
Over the summer, I was disappointed that the romantic summer vacation to the North East that I had been looking forward to with my husband had to be postponed due to another surgery. However, in 2019, I enjoyed so many wonderful excursions with my husband to the local mountains, the beach, zoo, new restaurants, theater and plays, movies, art exhibits, street fairs, farmers markets, antiquing, sports events, concerts of all sorts and enjoyed a wonderful mother-daughter trip to Chicago exploring all of my favorite Chi-town haunts. My husband and I still share a love for exploring this great planet and I am so grateful to be able to enjoy so many wonderful adventures with him.
The past year was a bit of an adjustment for me (and my husband) fully stepping into the life of empty nesters and embracing adult children with minds and goals and dreams of their own. At times it can be confusing and there are moments when I miss the sweet faces that idolized my every word without question and I’m still learning when to curtail the parenting. But it has been a relief to watch each of our three children fly from the nest, fully capable of handling whatever life hands them. Each child has sought out positive friends and mentors and relationships that facilitate their possible and all three wanting to remain in the area, not because I, or my husband demand it, but because it is something they want to do, has filled me with so much joy. They genuinely love our little family, want to spend time together and that is about the best gift a parent could ask for.
Till next time journal…
So as you can read, the New Year for me is not without it’s challenges, but I’m not lacking for positive things to focus on and I bet you aren’t either. In fact, when I re-read my journal I was amazed at how much it lifted my spirits to write about all of the positive things. To take the time to let my mind and heart reflect on all of the good. I’m going to lean into that even more in 2020 and I hope you will join me in this journey.
For I can’t think of a better gift we can give ourselves this New Year, then to approach it with a positive outlook and that includes seeing ourselves in a positive light from day one.